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Chill out buddy!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Chapters Amos 7, 8, 9

Amos 7
Lame!

Amos 8
My master showed me this vision, A bowl of fresh fruit. He said what do you see, Amos?  I said, "A bowl of fresh fruit" God said "Right, so I'm calling it quits with Israel"
WHAT??
Here's a winner! "As the lord god of Dan is my witness!"

Amos 9
As Dan as my witness, hallelujah, a new book is coming soon!

Amos, Amos, Amos

Monday, September 27, 2010
Chapters:Amos 4, 5, 6

Amos 4
We are supposed to look at god when there are natural disasters. Think that's better than FEMA?? Maybe!

Amos 5
Israel is still in trouble. We are all pieces of crap! " When god comes it will be bad news before it's good news, Here is what it is like. A man runs from a lion, right into the mouth of  bear!" Shitty!
God also says " I can't stand your religious meetings, I want fairness" Amen!

Amos 6
"Woe to those addicted to feeling good-life without pain, woe to those obsessed with looking good - life without wrinkes.  They could not care less about their country going to ruin.
True that!

What!? Another new book already!!

Chapters: Joel 2, 3, Amos 1, 2, 3

Joel 2
Doomsday is on the way!  Wahoo! Umm, this chapter just said that doomsday will be terrible but if you ask god maybe he will make it better??  Pssh, more warm fuzzies!?  Also this "I am the one and only real god, never again will my people be despised" As an agnostic I think what about the other religions in the world. If this were so obvious, wouldn't there be no questions? 

Joel 3
Some weird prophecies about Jerusalem.

Amos 1
Oh crap, more Israel is the devil. 

Amos 2
Etc, etc, etc

Amos 3
Does a bird fall to the ground if it hasn't been hit with a stone?
Well, Does it? I have no idea, but I'm going to go with yes, often!

Hallelujah, a new book is coming!

Chapters Hosea 13, 14, Joel 1

Hosea 13
This is out of context I'm sure but there is mention of  "Religion customized to taste"  isn't that what we have now?  Religion is supposed to give you the warm fuzzies, isn't it?  After you get your proper dosage of gilt, you get forgiven and all is better.  See?  Warm fuzzies.

Hosea 14
OK, this chapter sums it all up, after being told over and over and over how god hates Israel, god tells them to ask for forgiveness and to come back.
"God's paths get you where you want to go. Right-living people walk them easily; wrong-living people are always stumbling and tripping."
Warm and Fuzzy!

Finis

Joel 1
I sure am glad to be moving on, please let this be about something else.
OK, Joel sort f feels the same but at least it says things like this...
Get in touch with reality...and weep!
I think that's god telling you that life sucks!

and it keeps going

Chapters Hosea 10, 11, 12

Hosea 10
Sorry, am I the only one that's over the god wrath? How many chapters are going to be all about god hating Israel?

Hosea 11
More of the same, can't wait for something new

Hosea 12
Still the bad guy! 

Sorry, really there isn't even enough to comment on.

Let's start this off right!

Dear Bog-God;

Sorry for my days off.  I was a little ill (hungover) this weekend. We had our second date night EVER and we went to see a play, it was great, and so was the wine!  Obviously. So I have a favor to beg. Can you please teach my four year old to use the toilet?  I can't do it and she doesn't want to listen to me, I'll give you a dollar if you could do it for me. Thanks.

She said what?

Thursday, September 23, 2010
Conversation on the way to school

Izabella: What the hucking?
Izabella: What's that hucking smell?
Me: Hucking?
Izabella: Oops, fucking smell!
Me: BELLA!
Izabella: (Tears!)

Oops is right!

Not funny!  OK, a little bit funny, in a completely tragic way.  I'd be all shocked but that would be impossible,since I am known to drop the F bomb at least once a paragraph. I just forget that monkey see, monkey do, and monkey goes to catholic school. I'm pretty sure she'd be beaten for such language.

Welcome..

We are the Moffat's.

Cast:
David - Dad
Jennifer - Mom
Izabella - Daughter
Maggie - Dog (Beagle)
Taco - Dog (Doberman-Something)
Jesus - Cat
Marlin - Fish (Clown)
Fish - Fish (Dogface Puffer)
Precious -Guinea Pig
Teddy - Guinea Pig
Verdi - Snake (Ball Python)
Meece - Mouse

We don't fit in photos so there you have it.

Between all of this and all that life deals us as well, everyday is a new adventure!

A little help please

Dear Blog-God;

I need some answers. I feel as if I am at a crossroads and that I need to work on my on happiness sometimes instead of the happiness of others.  I am trying to do so many things for other people and it actually makes me feel worse. I take on all of these duties to be a great friend, and to be everything for everybody but I'm so full of shit. I feel great fora couple of days then I wish I never took it on in the first place. My husband tells me this afternoon that  should get a job, and then after a 20 minute upset-fest, turns it around into a please help my company, I love you so much. I just want to know what to do, I love my life at some, and I also want to help the family company. I don't know what to do about my daughter and her inability to use the toilet with any sort of consistency. There is nothing else to read, nobody I haven't asked, no medical professional not consulted. So you blog-god are unfortunately all I've got left, please solve my problems. I'd appreciate it.  A lot!

Am I serious??

I told Bella that if she had another accident at school that she would not be going back. So of course she had another accident!  So now what? Do I...
Take her out of school and save the tuition?
Keep her out for a few days then take her back?
Take her anyway?
I am going to have a breakdown about this toilet thing!  I have never felt so inadequate in my entire life.
What is so effing difficult about teaching a person to use the toilet?  Especially one that's been actively learning and ignoring it for years. We started this process when she was 2 1/2, she is almost 5. I took her to school for two full years with her having at least 1 accident a day and this year I really do not want to be the third. She has had 3 accidents now and she has been in school for 13 days.  I want to cry and I most likely will.

Must get back to blogging.

Hello to all,
It's been a wild ride this past year. I feel like I should have been here the entire time.  As if I left my home to do something good, and as I titled a prior blog post, I worked for 7 months and all I got was this crappy pen!
It's so hard to work while being a good wife and mom. I know that people talk the subject to death about balance, but honestly you can't do it!  It's impossible!  Something has to give. What gave over here??  My home. Which was the lesser of all evils, since the other options were marriage or child.  I'm so glad to be back home, doing what I do and enjoying every moment. I have learned that I know what my priorities are, and I feel fantastic for that. NOTHING is going to get in the way of my family, even a job that I loved.
I am working on some great new giveaways and have made some new connections for freebies, so keep reading!

Is Israel a metaphor??

Chapters: Hosea 7, 8, 9

Hosea 7
God is mad, mostly because he loves Israel, but they don't pray to him, the only time they call out to him is when they are in bed, probably with whores! OH GOD, OH GOD (You get it!)

Hosea 8
Is Israel a metaphor??  Because GOD is P.I.S.T! If it is this would make a lot more sense. Who doesn't like Jews?

Hosea 9
Seriously, I think that this whole book is jut how angry god is that people don't care. Which would sort of make sense. Soft of. Why does god care?  I get the reasoning why one would want god to care, because then all of this would be for nothing. But honestly, if I created the entire EVERYTHING,I'm not that concerned, why would god even be bothered with the stupid human emotion of anger in the first place???

Liar liar, pants on fire.

Chapters: Hosea 4, 5, 6

Hosea 4:
You can't tell the priests from the people, the people from the priests.
Yep, I'd go so far to say that about sums it up.
And god still hates Israel
Highlight: When the beer runs out it's sex, sex and more sex.

Hosea 5:
Yes, god still hates Israel, and whores!

Hosea 6:
Highlight: You've been sowing wild oats. Now it's harvest time!
OK, so I'm getting closer to putting this all together. God is pissed, everyone is living their own lives. Doing whatever feels good (like current times!) and the people that are religious are the worst, because they are doing what feels good and then going to prayer meetings but they don't know god.

This is sort of my viewpoint of more religious people that I have seen. They do whatever, aren't compassionate, but they go to church and that makes them better than me. They have no knowledge of the religion that is what they "love" only what they are told to believe, it's BS.

God has a foul mouth!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Chapters Hosea 1, 2, 3

Hosea 1
The whole country has become a whorehouse???
Seems like a great way to start. So god talks to this man Hosea, and told him to "find a whore and marry her, make this whore the mother of your children"
Sounds like a plan!
I read a premise to his book d apparently it's about love. Whores need love to I guess.
So Hosea and his whore wife have some babies and god tells him to name them things like, Jezreel, No-Mercy and Nobody. I bet those kids had a great time at school.
Wait! Do they go to school back then??  Guess we'll find out.
I think the point is god hates Israel right now, they have a love hate thing going on.

Hosea 2
I think this chapter is a Father to his son "Haul your mother into court, accuse her! She's no longer my wife and I'm no longer her husband." I sure hope so, or this family is all screwed up.
So he's mad at her, she dresses like whore sleeps around, sells herself for her stuff.
This guy wants to start all over with her, he wants to take her back to where they had their first date and woo her. OK, maybe this is god telling this to Hosea??  His mom is whore, and god wants her to love him like he used to??  By golly I think I've got it.

Chapter 3
God tells Hosea to go get his whore wife, who apparently still sleep around, and to love her.
He had to buy her back from someone?? It was the cost of a slave! Is that a lot? He tells her "You're living with me and I'm living with you".
Finis.

Halloween contest...coming soon!

Monday, September 20, 2010
Miss you ladies!  COming in the next few days is a contest!  A super awesome one at that!

Daniel (Some more!)

Day two
Chapters - Daniel 10, 11, 12

Here's what you missed:
Chapter 10
Daniel starts us off by starving himself and not bathing ether. Then he has a vision of a stone man that the people with him didn't see (Could have been that he was starving and delusional!) So the guy tells him that he is going to fight the prince of Persia, I don't know about you but I don't trust the delusional.  EAT SOMETHING DANIEL, then get back to me!
Chapter 11
Blah blah blah, doomsday. Some prophesy about kings fighting.
Chapter 12
Woohoo, Zombie time! I still think Daniel is starving.
The end (of Daniel)

September 20 - Dear Blog God

Dear Blog God,
Can I be one of those people that ask their higher power for things?  I know that you are just a blog, but I really need some help cleaning up my living room. If you could just sweep or mop that would be a great help!
Thanks,
J

Day One

Chapters to read: Daniel 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

I was able to underline (a big deal!) one verse. Well half of a verse. 9:9 - "Compassion is our only hope".  Is that bad?

A summary:
Chapter 5
There is a king named Belshazzar, he's having a party.  He wants to drink out of some fancy (stolen!)glasses that his dad had.  Then a disembodied hand shows up and starts writing on the wall!  They call Daniel to tell the kind what the hand wrote. Daniel interprets dreams and solves mysteries (Good work if you can get it!).
The body less hand wrote this:
Mene
Teqel
Peres
Which mean basically that this King is about to get the bot, because God doesn't like him anymore.
He was murdered about 3 words later.
Here is my concern!  Why aren't people more concerned with the had just floating around. If that's me I'm pretty freaked out.
moving on...
p.s. Husband thinks that Daniel was involved in the conspiracy to kill the king because he gained the most.
Chapter 6
Daniel in the lion's den.
I'm pretty sure that the saying originated from this.
So here's what happens Daniel prays, gets thrown in the lions den, but the lions can't open their mouths so he gets out and the people responsible for sending him there get fed to the lions instead.
I don't know what he did to piss everyone off but they don't like him so they changed the law that praying would now be illegal. Daniel prays 3 times a day. If they made something I do 3 times a day illegal, I 'd still do it to, I'm just saying.
Chapter 7
Daniel has a dream, then someone interprets it for him that it's a premonition of the end of the world. A question!  Isn't Daniel the dream interpreter, shouldn't he know what his dreams mean?
Chapter 8
More dreams! More non-interpretation by the dream interpreter.
Chapter 9
End of the world!  Compassion will save us, but we don't have any. Also we ignore prophets!  Does that mean that possibly we should be paying attention to the raving psychotics at the bus stop?  Could they be god's chosen people?  Guess we'll never know because this is all done in 70 sevens.

Before I get to this..let me explain

Sunday, September 19, 2010
Dear Blog-God,

I don't believe in a god. I do believe in the ability to clear your mind and download thoughts and emotions by passing them off to someone (something) else. Wish me luck!

Blog-God will be my place to share my thoughts and my experiences.

My Journey

There are 1189 chapters in the Bible.

The Bible plan I am following involves reading 3 chapters Monday - Saturday and 5 chapters on Sunday
Of course I choose to start in the middle of the month in the middle of the year so I'll wing it.

I'm following the one year Bible reading plan on http://www.bibleplan.org/ (you can too!)
The bible I'm choosing to read is The Message Bible (It's the easiest!)

I am not finding a lot of specific information regarding specific verses and chapters on the Internet so I guess this is all up to my interpretation (hmmm!).

Are you ready?? Am I?

About me

I'm an eternal agnostic.
A very strange agnostic.
I'd call myself an atheist but I don't particularly have the faith for that either.

If I didn't label myself there might be some confusion. My Ipod is full of Adventures in Odyssey (a Christian children's radio show)and podcasts from a local church. O my books at least half are related to God in some form (either pro or con) and there is a bible on my bedside table.
Why?  Who knows!

However, I have recently made the decision to actually read the bible in it's entirety instead of being told by other authors or "church people" what it's all about. Be those people Dr. James Dobson or Richard Dawkins.

This is my adventure with a one year bible reading plan.

Twilex -- Alex and Twitch hip hop

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I was gone for 6 months and all I got was this crappy pen!

Sunday, July 25, 2010
Hello ladies!  Oh how I have missed you.  So in 6 months of working this is what I've learned.

1. Working for little pay is emotionally satisfying, yet becomes drudgery when you are reminded that you are working for very little pay.

2. Being away from your babies for very little pay is not satisfying at all and really feels like crap!

3. I'm not doing that ever again!

More info to come!

Detox Day 9

Thursday, February 4, 2010
Sorry everyone!  I totally meant to post everyday but i'm a working girl now so sometimes it's hard to find 20 minutes to sit down and focus (I know everyone understands!)

So today is day 9, I'm down 10 pounds, and the hubby is down 22.  (Men suck!)

I'm not hungry, I feel great still. I do miss the act of chewing more than anything.  I would probably kill somone for a handful of cherry tomatoes.

On the plus side I haven't had a migraine in days, I am really hoping that this will be the cure all for them.

I'll write more this weekend, I promise. 

Tomorrow is shadow day at Bella's school so i'll be there all day, and it's my first day off of work all week. There is so much to do around this house its enough to make you crazy. While I love my job and love being there it's going to take some time getting everyone to pitch in around here to get things done, I know that last thing I want to do after a long day is vacuum or mop.

Anyone have any suggestions on he balancing act that is being a part time working mom?

Detox - Day 5

Sunday, January 31, 2010
OK. I have so much to do today,but I forgot to share yesterday so here I am! 

Today I feel great.  I'm not hungry, I have a new found appreciation for the food I am not eating however. 

I can see how this woul change your minset about food, the thought of putting something back in me that is processed or shelf stable makes me want to gag.

I am down 6 pounds. The hubby is down 18!!  That's mens bodies for you.

My skin is amazing, no clogged pores, no nothing.

I am feeling pretty confident that I can go another 16 days!

Detox - Day Two

Friday, January 29, 2010
Actually today is day 3, but yesterday I felt like crap!  I was exhausted and I had a killer migraine. I dont know if the headache was from not eating or just because I get a lot of migraines. Either way I woke up today and feel great.  Not hungry, not tired, just pretty great.  On the upside I have also lost 4 pounds!  My hubby who I am also forcing to detox has lost 8. 

I will also admit I cheated a little bit. Had a cup of coffee both yesterday and today.  It's organic and I drank it black so I am going to act like that is ok. Also had a bowl of brown rice. 

Yay! Only 18 more days!

Detox - Day One

Wednesday, January 27, 2010
While not fully satified I'm not really hungry either. I suppose that it didnt help that I threw up my first two beverages, a cup of tea and a glass of water.  Apparently the herbal cleansing pill/vitamin wasn't really designed to go in an empty stomach.  Which is sort of backwards, since it is for detoxing.  On a positive note the soup and broth saved my life. I don't know if they really tasted that great, but after not eating all day it sure satisfied.  I will weigh myself in the morning and hopefully I will have somethin exciting to report. God forbid I starve myself for nothing. 

The green drink tastes not so great, I am sort of dissapointed since I got the chocolate kind to make it go down easier, it was very grainy no matter how well I mixed it. Perhaps a blender would do it some good.

Day one down, 20 more to go!

p.s. The hubby made it too! 

Jenn is going on a detox diet.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010
That's right!  You read it here first.  I'm going to give the Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet a whirl.  Anyone want to get really bitchy and hungry with me??

21 Days!  No solid food.

What am I? Crazy! 

Here is the schedule.  Im sure the first few days wont be so bad as I barely eat anything now, but I am going to miss my coffee like a crazy person!  Maybe I can substitute coffee for tea? 

This is the schedule:
8AM

Herbal Cleanse (Tablet)
1 oz of liquid Berry or 1 oz of liquid Berry with 6oz of water
One cup [1] of hot/iced Herbal Tea—(add stevia optional)
1 8oz glass of water [2]

9AM
1 8oz glass of water

10AM
1 8oz glass of water mixed or blended with 1 scoop of Essential Greens

11AM
1 8oz glass of water and or hot/iced herbal tea

12PM
1 8oz glass of “live” fresh juiced vegetables
If you’re not juicing -mix or blend 8oz of water with 1 scoop of VegeSplash

1PM
1 8oz glass of water and or hot/iced herbal tea

2PM
1 8oz glass of water mixed or blended with 1 scoop of VegeSplash

3PM
1 8oz glass of water and or hot/iced herbal tea

4PM
1 8oz glass of water mixed or blended with 1 scoop of Essential Greens

5-6PM
1 cup of homemade [3] puree soup
One cup of broth from soup mix
1 8oz glass of water
1 cup hot herbal tea

7PM
1 8oz glass of water and/or hot herbal tea.
Herbal Cleanse

Wish me luck!  I'll write more tomorrow when I am starving to death.

A Review: Heidi Klum's In An Instant Skin Care Line

Sunday, January 17, 2010


In a word: Terrible!

I was actually given these products by a friend, that had recieved two sets.  Now mind you I don't have wrinkles, but I am almost 30 so maybe I have "aging" skin. 

First Product: The cleanser.
The only good thing about this cleanser was that it smelled clean.  No overwhelming perfume smell.
Overall it made my skin feel like it still had soap on it.

Second Product: The warming scrub.
It seriously feels like you are rubbing broken glass on our face. As if any longer than 5 seconds worth of light scrubbing and your face will bleed. Now I enjoy scrubs, a lot. I love the feeling of brand new baby soft skin after a great peel or an amazing exfoliation, but this was not it, this was TORTURE!

Third Product: Eye cream.
Yet another painful product. For a product designed to go so close to your eyes it irritated and burned them .

SAVE YOUR MONEY. STAY AWAY FROM THESE PRODUCTS.

Jenn

Who wants to go to Disneyland????

Sunday, January 3, 2010
Here it is.  The long waited for Give a day, get a Disney day program. 

Click Here! 

Enjoy,
Jenn

Happy New Years

Friday, January 1, 2010
Hello to all!
Hope everyone survived the holidays! 

Now... About New Years, I usually dont make resolutions, because you end up breaking them and you just end up feeling badly.  Going to exercise more, eat better, etc. 

This year is different. 

Here they are.
1. Going to blog a lot!  (Or at least more than I do!)
2. Going to exercise more! (More than I do now, which is never so it's perfect.)
3. Be a better wife and mother, by focusing a little more on myself.  Sometimes I resent the lack of "me" time I don't have so this year I am going to take a little time everyday for me. 

On an extremely positive note. I GOT THE JOB!!!! 

I am so nervous as I haven't been a real working mom before, but it's pretty much my dream job so I know we can make it work.  This will probably help a lot with #3.

I will be forced to wake up in the morning, actually get dressed in something other than yoga pants, flip flops and a sweater, and put some make up on.  It's going to be great. 

Anybody else make any resolutions?